Teenagers?
“I have no need for Google, my teenagers know it all!”
Teenagers? An interesting bunch, that’s for sure! It is also a life stage with many challenges. It is the time when they develop a personal identity, the “Who am I?” and social skills with peers. They could become more secretive and slowly loosening ties with their parents… They like to challenge the viewpoints of their parents, sometimes relentlessly about topics like religion, their clothing and more…This is not always easy for parents.
NORMAL. Don’t worry! Teenagers want to learn about- and explore adult life, of course within the boundaries of their safety. Kahlil Gibran said our children don’t belong to us. They are part of a future of which we can never be part. We are but the boughs from which the arrow sets forth… This is sometimes very difficult for parents! For teenagers too, however. They must struggle to free themselves out of the cocoon to become butterflies!
Teach me to read; I will write a book.
Help make me strong; I will build a bridge.
Show me right from wrong; I will lead others.
Point me in the right direction; I will never look back.
Give me opportunities; for I am the future.
– THE NEXT GENERATION
So, how do we parent teenagers? There are three possible scenarios, two of which are destructive and one ideal way, the way to build amazing relationships with our teens. The first one is autocratic. I recently saw two parents for guidance. When the father started complaining about his daughter, he said “I am old school. She must do as I say! I don’t want any questions!” “If she doesn’t, I will simply force her!” “It is my way or the highway!” Wrong!
The second is to follow a laissez-faire approach. Here everything goes, the teen can do what they want, no boundaries. WRONG, once more! This style can make teenagers feel unwanted and neglected. It creates a sense that they are not loved and cared for. The third one is a democratic style. RIGHT! Here the parents seek a win-win approach. Parents try to listen and hear their teens accurately. They might just have a legitimate point! We can learn valuable lessons from our teens.
Final TIPS. Firstly, we need to be open and transparent about our own flaws and shortcomings. Ask them where we have failed them. This not always easy but our teenagers appreciate this and respect us for our honesty. Make it clear that you and they are all students in the school of life and that you are keen to learn with them. Secondly, we must teach our children that their emotions are important and legitimate. It is ok to feel anger and frustrated. Help them to identify the causes of these and teach them to handle these in assertive ways.
Join me to learn how to become a sterling parent!
Dr.Sonia
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