The Bottom line…
“Life is not only about finding yourself, it about creating yourself.” - George Bernard Shaw
A story. Milly is a highflying and very successful corporate animal. She has a busy day interviewing prospective employees. Her secretary notes something strange. Whenever a candidate wore red lipstick, the interview was short, and the candidate rejected despite having excellent skills. As a child Milly’s mother, who always wore red lipstick, shouted and yelled at her constantly.
Milly subsequently formed a core belief, a memory which is deeply embedded in her subconscious, that red lipstick means danger. Without her realizing it on a conscious level, this belief made her fearful every time she encountered a woman wearing a red lipstick.
Core beliefs are long-term rules and assumptions about yourself, others and the world around you. They originate in childhood as Milly’s story indicates. Your entire life hinges on core beliefs and determine your reality, your thoughts, feelings, actions, your personality, expectations, decision-making and mental health. Unfortunately, some of these beliefs are destructive. A low self-esteem, excessive stress, frustration and depression are possible results.
It is possible to cultivate a more constructive belief where you affirm that you are worthy indeed.
Fortunately, you don’t have to remain a victim of destructive core beliefs. It is possible to challenge your beliefs and replace them when they don’t serve you. You can do this with a simple writing exercise called Socratic questioning. This involves posing some questions. Let me illustrate.
Belief: “I’m just not good enough.”
- What is the evidence that this is true?
“There is none. I have achieved success in every area of my life.”
- Am I fully objective?
“No, I’m not. Others admire me and affirm that I am an exceptional individual.”
- Does this belief promote my well-being and peace of mind?
“No, it doesn’t. It makes me anxious and depressed.”
- Did I choose this belief on my own?
“I did not choose this belief on my own. My father was insecure and always emphasized my faults.”
Thank heavens! It is possible to cultivate a more constructive belief where you affirm that you are worthy indeed. You can become your own cheerleader by repeating the belief, “I am worthy” every time you catch yourself degrading your own worth. At times I have even written a positive affirmation on a post-it pad for my dashboard to remind me!
Join me to dig out negative beliefs and create constructive alternatives!
Dr.Sonia