Hang in there.
“Never, never, never, never give up.” Winston Churchill
A young girl from a poor family once said “I decided. I will study. I will pull myself up my bootstraps although I don’t yet know where my boots are!” So, what happened? She did so indeed. Today she is a successful doctor. How on earth did she mange to do this? She simply kept her focus and fought against the limitations she was faced with. She got a day job and studied vigorously by a gaslight at night.
The young girl described above is a keen example of RESILIENCE. It means navigating tough times and no matter what life threw her at her, she rolled with the punches, and came through the other side stronger than ever! In the South Africa of today we certainly need it with all that is going on around. If it is not ESKOM, it is water shortages due to badly maintained infatuation and more… Our stress response is permanently dialled up!
Another example. J was diagnosed with aggressive form of breast cancer when she was 33. By this time, she had already suffered a serious sexual assault, two abusive relationships and financial predicaments. The Covid epidemic did not leave her unscathed. Despite these adversities, J always bounced back. While undergoing chemo and radiotherapy, she completed her master’s degree in HR!
None of us can barricade ourselves against difficult and challenging times. They intrude our lives unexpectedly. Adversity can include illness, the passing of a loved one, job loss, children emigrating, loneliness that faces us perhaps after an acrimonious divorce and more. It can even include a deep disappointment such as losing at a or failing an exam for which we have studied hard. This can lead to despair, wanting to give up and abandoning ship so to speak.
None of us can barricade ourselves against difficult and challenging times.
Can resilience, perseverance and tenacity be learnt? Yes, indeed. It is a skill we can all acquire. There are four go to strategies to help us navigate through tough times. Resilient people FIRSTLY understand that suffering is part of every human existence. They get that bad things happen to all people. This helps them not to feel discriminated against when the tough times come. It is not asking “Why me?” but “Why not me?” Terrible things happen to all people and a perfect life is not always possible.
SECONDLY. Resilient people are good at choosing carefully where they select their attention. They have a habit of realistically appraising situations and typically focusing on the things they can change and accepting the ones they can’t. As humans we are excellent at noticing threats and weaknesses. We are hardwired for those negative emotions. They stick to us like Velcro. Positive emotions bounce off like Teflon. Resilient people don’t ignore the negative but make a point of tuning into the good.
THIRDLY. Resilient people ask themselves whether what I’m doing is helping or harming me. Do I need that extra wine? Should I harp on arguments of the last Christmas? Can I forgive someone who has harmed me? Asking these questions puts one back into the driver’s seat and it gives us some control. FOURTHLY. Gratitude. I try to write down three good things that have happened to me every day, even in difficult times. It works!
Dr.Sonia